How To Trim A Christmas Tree Trunk

Everybody knows that you have to cut a few inches off of the trunk of a Christmas tree before plunging it in water (add teaspoon of sugar) in order to keep it fresh.

Here is the proper way to cut off those few inches of trunk.

  • Open the garage door and back out the car.
  • Pull the generator out of the garage and make sure it is level.
  • Check the generator oil.
  • Find the gasoline and put some in the generator tank.
  • Start the generator and let it warm up.
  • While the generator warms up, find the electric chainsaw.
  • Find the electric chainsaw extension cord.
  • Plug in the chainsaw using the extension cord.
  • Measure the trunk.
  • Cut it off.
  • Unplug the chainsaw and the extension cord.
  • Shut down the generator.
  • Let the generator cool down.
  • While the generator cools down, put away the chainsaw.
  • After the generator cools off, put it back in the garage.
  • Put the car back in the garage and close the door.

Setup time: 20 minutes

Cutting time: 10 seconds

Fun Factor: Maximum

Setup

Here is the alternative method…. let the guy at the tree stand cut it off.

Setup time: 0 minutes

Cutting time: 20 seconds

Fun factor: Zero

We took the first path.

Oh, and here is the tree, minus a few inches of its trunk and safe in the garage.

Tree

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Piqued

I peeked at the Killer Carrot, and found it somewhat piqued. It seems to have peaked in its growth spurt.

Piqued CarrotSo….. since it probably won’t make it much more, it might make much mulch in the morning.

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CFL, LED, TLA

We have a bunch of CFL’s around the house. They do save electricity, but they do not last as long as advertised. Case in point, the bulb shown below.

ExpiredBecause of the high mortality rate of the CFL’s, I have taken to writing the installation date on the base of each bulb. This one says 2011/8/12. I have also noted the date that it expired, 2013/11/2. That isn’t exactly 8 – 10 years.

Even though these things are warranted for 8 years, the warranty is not much use since the cost of mailing the bulb back to the manufacturer is about the same as the cost of a new bulb. They win.

So, it is trash (properly recycled, of course).

And I have begun experimenting with the newer technology, LED.

LEDAt least this one looks like a light bulb. And it is warranted for 22 years. I have, of course duly noted on the base of the bulb the day it got installed. By the time this one burns out I will be <mumble> years old and I will not care.

Unless, of course, it pops next year, in which case the cost of sending it back to the manufacturer might be worth it, since this thing cost me $7.97.

CFL Thumbs Down
LED Thumbs Up

CFL, LED…. since when did light bulbs become TLA’s?

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Killer Carrot!

I was digging around in the refrigerator vegetable crisper yesterday, looking for something ( I have forgotten what it was ) when I ran into this:

Carrot!

The Carrot was at the bottom of the bin, growing. Really. Growing in the veggie crisper.

I remembered that there were some huge carrots left in there last Summer… tough and stringy and too big to eat. And I found this one growing in there… in the dark… in the cold… looking just like this. The leaves have greened up a bit over the last day, but other than that, the carrot looked just like this.

Yikes.

Since it was showing such determination and stamina, we decided to put it into a vase of water to see what it might do, instead of chopping it up for the mulch pile.

Feeding this Killer Carrot may seem foolhardy, but if it will grow in the bottom of the fridge, what would it do in the mulch pile?

I guess carrots can grow in the cold and the dark… unless that little light in the fridge really doesn’t go off when you close the door.

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Art in Cambridge?

Not ArtNope. Thanks for clearing that up.

(It’s a steam pipe).

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Hey! It’s Free!

I was walking to the train this morning, and I ran into this, sitting on the sidewalk.

Bucket O' CementJust what I always wanted, and here it is…. just sitting there… free of charge.

Too bad I had to catch a train.

Dang!

Only in New England.

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Bucket

Enough with the attempts at humor. I am back to beer. Yesterday I put up 5 gallons of my Amber Ale to ferment, but this time I did it differently. This time I am trying out the primary fermentation in The Bucket.

The BucketThat is not just any bucket, that is a special Brewing Bucket from the beer store. It holds 7.8 gallons instead of the piddly 6 gallons that the carboy holds. It still has a teeny tiny little blowby hose, but this time there is way more headspace over the beer to keep the beer snot inside of the bucket. My brew friends told me that this will fix my problem with the beer snot getting out of the fermenter.

And to be safe, this time I went directly to the bolt to keep the end of the hose in control.

The BoltIt’s all good.

OK. That was the theory. Here is the reality.

One day later.

Snot so goodThe hose and the bucket are full of beer snot again.

NastyIt isn’t as bad as last time, but it is still pretty nasty.

The pressure in this thing is intense. I had to tape the hose onto the top because there is nothing there to tie it to.

Blue TapeLooks like there is some leakage anyway. And now that I look at it, check out that bulge!

BulgyYikes! I hope this one doesn’t blow out like the bung did. That could make a mess.

Isn’t this exciting?

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I have been informed….

I have been informed that my previous attempt at humor in yesterday’s blog entry concerning a certain cat-shaped rock was too subtle.

So, henceforth, all further attempts at humor will be delivered using this*…

Sledge

 

* That is a sledgehammer for those who missed the gag.**

 

**and that is another poor attempt at humor.***

 

***and this is the last footnote I am going to put into this post.

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Bottled Beer

The new beer is in the bottles.

Beer BottlesWe got 50 bottles of beer out of this batch, and it didn’t taste sour and it didn’t get siphoned onto the floor (mostly). In fact, the bottling went very smoothly with minimal spillage and spoilage….. so OK… that’s boring…. so forget about the beer.

Take a look at this!

Yikes!That is a plant! Really! It jumped into the shopping cart at the plant show… or so I’m told. I did not hear whether it was growling at the time. I turned it over to see what it is. Check this out.

Uh ohGoogle that and see what it means!

Hey look! Here is a photo of a neighborhood cat sitting on the patio.

Cat?HAHAHA. I crack myself up.

Anyway, so, now we have a killer plant named “Reginald”. Scary, hunh?

I am looking for a place to hide my beer, as I suspect that this thing might have an interest in it…. and it might even have the capacity to pop the caps.

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Interesting

Today I managed to rack the beer from the primary fermenter to the secondary fermenter. That is technical beer jargon for siphoning the beer out of the nasty, crusty, jug that exploded…. into a nice, clean bottle so it can finish fermenting and clarifying without sitting around in all that crud.

Here is the beer all settled down for a week in its new home.

SecondarySounds simple, huh? Unfortunately, getting there was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. I didn’t get any photos of the “interesting” parts of the process because it was more “interesting” than I thought it would be, and that kept me too busy to take pictures.

First of all, getting the siphon to start took a few tries sucking on the hose until I was covered in beer (at least the beer wasn’t sour like last time). For some reason that is always more interesting than it should be. I wasn’t drinking any beer… really…. honest…. I was starting the siphon.

Then, at some point after I got the siphon working, the siphon hose popped out of the carboy and started siphoning the beer onto the kitchen floor.

Even though I popped the hose right back into the bottle, by the time that was done we had initiated the kitchen floor with a pint or so of raw beer.

It was interesting trying to clean up the spill so we would not track it through the house while still managing to keep the siphon going and keeping the hose confined to the bottle for the duration.

We did get the beer transferred with some minor losses.

Here is a photo of the bottom of the shoe that is still sticking to the floor in the kitchen.

ShoeWe will have to address that issue with another mopping at some point.

After that I was faced with cleaning out the muck from the other carboy.

It was a daunting task because it took a half hour with a scrub brush just to get that junk out of Dad’s Beer Bucket, and there is no way to get a scrub brush into the carboy. Scroll down a couple of days in this blog and you can see what was in Dad’s Beer Bucket. Yuk.

No scrub brushes can go into the plastic carboy because they will scratch it, so I used this instead.

Carboy CleanerThat is a Carboy Cleaner. The electric drill is used to spin it around inside of the carboy, and when it is spinning, the blue pads on the left side spin apart and scrub down the sides of the bottle. According to the salesman (what could possibly go wrong with that?) the blue pads are guaranteed not to scratch the plastic carboy.

The stopper that came with the Carboy Cleaner is too small for the neck on the plastic carboy, so I had to cobble together a larger stopper for it.

PlugI drilled a hole in the big plug and stuffed the little plug into the hole in the big plug and then I stuffed the big plug with the little plug stuffed into it into the carboy neck and then I held the whole thing together with Tenacity while I spun up the Carboy Cleaner. Hey. It worked.

So after soaking the inside of the carboy with a solution of B-BriteĀ® and water, I spun up the Carboy Cleaner, and the beer snot crud came off. Here is the top of the carboy where all the beer snot was stuck.

CleanNot bad! Looks nice. After my interesting morning with the beer stuff, at least the cleaning equipment worked.

Next week we will put the beer into the bottles.

Let’s hope that it is a boring adventure next time.

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