Nothing Happens At Ten

I declare that summer has officially arrived.

The air is warm, the sun is out, the flowers are all blooming….

The arbor is covered with roses.

DG is out doing his yard work.

OK. We’ll have to work on that later.

I found DG goofing off again now that the weather is nice.

“Hey, DG, enough goofing off! Do something useful, like mow the lawn.”

He wasn’t happy with that, but I did convince him to get up out of his chair and push the lawnmower around. Check it out.*

*Go ahead and turn on the sound. I am making talkies now.

No I didn’t. I made a nice card for my wife, who is the Mother of our children.

Why would I do that? You aren’t my Mother.

OK then, you win. Happy Mother’s Day, DG.

Sigh.

I have been working on my latest woodworking project. Here is a picture.

Well…. I didn’t time it…. but I think it might have been 50 or 60 hours of work.

Well, I work only with hand tools, you know…. it takes a bit longer with hand tools.

Here is one of my favorite quotations from Ambrose Bierce.

                                                 A Causeway

A Rich Woman having returned from abroad disembarked at the foot of Knee-
deep Street, and was about to walk to her hotel through the mud.

“Madam,” said a Policeman, “I cannot permit you to do that; you would
soil your shoes and stockings.”

“Oh, that is of no importance, really,” replied the Rich Woman, with a
cheerful smile.

“But, madam, it is needless; from the wharf to the hotel, as you observe,
extends an unbroken line of prostrate newspaper men who crave the honour
of having you walk upon them.”

“In that case,” she said, seating herself in a doorway and unlocking her
satchel, “I shall have to put on my rubber boots.”

                                                                      Ambrose Bierce, Fantastic Fables

It is not political. It’s making fun of the media. Everybody makes fun of the media.

Besides it was published in 1899.

OK. You win. You got me on a technicality.

Honestly, DG, that is the lamest April Fools gag I have ever seen.

DG got busy this weekend doing his income taxes and calculating what percentage tax he pays. But he ran into a problem on the calculator.

No matter what he did, the calculator threw an error. DG was not happy.

“What’s wrong with this stupid calculator?” he shouted.

“DG”, I said, “It’s not the calculator. You see, since you are a cartoon character, you have no income. So, when you divide your taxes by your income you get a “divide by zero” error in the calculator.”

“Listen up. You have no income, so you put a zero in the divisor when you calculated your tax rate. Dividing by zero is an invalid operation, so the calculator gives you an error. In order to calculate your tax percentage, you need to have at least some income. Just a second. I think I can fix this. ”

So, I made him a W2 form that shows an income of one cent.

Since he won’t owe any taxes on an income of one cent, the calculations work out now.

Zero divided by 0.01 give…..

Ta Daaaa! Your tax rate is zero.

Sometimes you have to play along.

DG was a bit annoyed with me for sending him that phony 1040XEZ form.

So he wrote me up on a BM form and sent it to me. That is a Being Mean form. Check it out.

Actually, I think he just made the whole thing up.

Once again it is time to fill out your Income Tax forms.

DG just received his tax forms in the mail.

Remember back when the government was promising that you will be able to fill out your tax forms on a postcard?

We there it is… it’s the new Extra Easy, 1040XEZ form.

Political? No it’s not. Everybody hates paying taxes.

OK. I confess. I sent it. But ya gotta admit it’s funny.

DG?

DG?